Book Review: Pants on Fire by Meg Cabot

Cabot, Meg. Pants on Fire. New York: HarperTeen, 2007.

Had I told Eric that the fire was gone between me and Seth? Probably. It had gone out pretty soon after we’d become a steady couple, and the excitement that Seth Turner, the most popular boy in school, had picked me—ME!—as his steady girlfriend had died down.
But how can you break up with a guy who’s just so…nice? I mean, what kind of awful person would do something like that? Break up with her boyfriend of nearly four years because he’s just…boring?
I must have told Eric that Seth and I were breaking up. Oh, God, what was happening to me? I couldn’t even keep all my lies straight anymore.

Ever since the mysterious disaster with Tommy Sullivan four years ago, Katie has successfully made everyone in town forget that she was ever his best friend. She’s finally climbed the social ladder, and is dating—well, two of the most popular boys in school, and is one of the favorites to win the Quahog Princess crown. But now Tommy Sullivan is back in town. And what’s even worse? He’s hot.

Great romance. I love that’s she’s a total liar. We’re all just holding our breaths, waiting for her to get caught. Such a great character, which is what you need to pull off a romance novel. Girly all the way through, but so much fun that I just don’t care. The mysterious events from her past that haunt her all the way through is what intrigued me more than anything. I love skeletons in the closet.

The writing is typical Meg Cabot, not exceptional in any way. But the voice is so incredible that we never care. After all, she must crank out two or three books a year, when you add in all her pseudonyms. This is not the kind of novel you read to feel enlightened, this is the novel you read when you want to turn off your brain for awhile. And it fits perfectly in that role. There is absolutely zero fantasy or paranormal anything in this, in case you were wondering. It's one of my favorite of Cabot's.

Book Review: The Dark Divine by Bree Despain

I put down my fork. The hunk of meat loaf in my mouth felt like Styrofoam when I swallowed. "I saw Daniel today."

Mom glanced up from trying to prevent James from chucking his food across the table. The look that said, We don't mention that name in this house, passed over her eyes.

We discussed just about everything around our kitchen table: death, teen pregnancy, politics, and even religious injustice in the Sudan--but there was one topic we never talked about anymore: Daniel.

Dad wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Grace and Jude, I could use both of you at the parish tomorrow afternoon. We've had a great response to the charity drive. I can't even get into my office, it's packed so full of canned corn." He gave a slight chuckle.

I cleared my throat. "I talked to him."

Dad's laugh strangled off, almost like he was choking.

"Whoa," Charity said, her fork paused halfway to her mouth. "Way to go with the revelations, Grace."

Jude slid back his chair. "May I be excused?" he asked, and put his napkin on the table. He didn't wait for a response and walked out of the kitchen.

I glanced at Mom. Now look what you did, her eyes seemed to say.

Despain, Bree. The Dark Divine. New York: Egmont, 2009.

Grace Divine is from a perfect family. Her father is the local pastor, her mother is a homemaker, and her brother Jude is the hottest, sweetest, and most popular boy in school. But there's one secret that they never talk about--Daniel. A boy who lived with them for awhile, then disappeared after a tragedy involving Jude. A tragedy that no one has ever disclosed to Grace. So when Daniel reappears in town, she wonders if everything has been exaggerated, and if there's any chance that forgiveness will find its way into her family's heart again.

Well. I liked it. I did. Honestly.

However, you do have to take it for what it is. It's another paranormal YA romance. But I think all the paranormalness could have been done away with, and it'd still be a complete story. Which was good for me, because the fantasy being he turns out to be is the one that I find least appealing out of all of them. Bleck! I take that back, I think zombies are less appealing than what he is, but it's up there. Anyway, he spends very little time in his "other" form, and so we get to enjoy this for what it mostly is: a retelling of the prodigal son. Fascinating. I've heard some people say that they felt the religion was overdone--I disagree. I think the religion was perfect. I feel like I understand Grace Divine, and her struggle to exist in a world where she is seen as a "walking morality barometer" simply because she's the preacher's daughter. That is essential to the story.

Now are there problems with the writing? Yes. But most of them are just the problems of a debut writer. Let's face it, even J.K. wasn't perfect, and "The Sorcerer's Stone" was just so-so in comparison to some of the others. The other problems I had with this mostly had to do with the editing. I think the editor, like Meyer's, got too wrapped up in the storyline to remember to do the line-editing. For instance, even in the little excerpt I posted here, there's a line with two colons in it.

But apart from that, I loved these characters. For once, we have subplots and minor characters whose lives are just as interesting as characters in the romance. I loved Jude! What a complex character he is. He had so many layers, and we just kept getting peeling the onion. Incredible. Daniel was perhaps a little too much of a cliched bad boy with the cliched family history, but I could understand him. I felt for him. I fell in love with him. Why? Because he actually screwed up in the past. No, really! It wasn't some misunderstanding, it wasn't justified or rationalized, he really and honestly and truly screwed up! YAY! Just like real people do!

And the ending was almost the way it should have been. I HATE HATE HATE when the first book in a series ends in a cliffhanger. Actually, I hate it when any book does that, but particularly first books should be standalones. The way Suzanne Collins did it in the first Hunger Games was correct: Leave the reader wanting more, but not needing more. In the Dark Divine, you find all the answers you were looking for, but there's a new problem that arises at the very end of it that leaves you wanting more. It's one of those "Oh, I'm glad we figured that out. Wait...holy crap, what are we going to do now?" If there was a quick tie-up at the very end so we can at least imagine, for ourselves, the way it will be from now on, it would have been perfect. But there's too many unanswered questions to the new dilemma for that to happen.

But all in all, for a novel trying to walk that fine line between being popular and being good, it does great. It works on both levels. If you like both literary and commercial fiction, it's definitely worth a try.

Book Review: Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by Beth Fantaskey

Fantaskey, Beth. Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side. New York: Harcourt, 2009.

Lucius paused, turning on his heel to face me. “I grow weary of your ignorance.” He moved closer to me, leaning down and peering into my eyes. “Because your parents refuse to inform you, I will deliver the news myself, and I shall make this simple for you.” He pointed to his chest and announced, as though talking to a child, “I am a vampire.” He pointed to my chest. “You are a vampire. And we are to be married, the moment you come of age. This has been decreed since our births.”
I couldn’t even process the “getting married” part, or the thing about “decreed.” He’d lost me at “vampire.”
Nuts. Lucius Vladescu is completely nuts. And I’m alone with him, in an empty barn.
So I did what any sane person would do. I jammed the pitchfork in the general direction of his foot and ran like hell for the house, ignoring his yowl of pain.

When Jessica discovers that she's a vampire princess betrothed to a vampire prince, she's convinced that the world has turned upside down in the worst possible way. Lucius is arrogant, self-centered, and spoiled, and she'd rather drive a stake through her own heart than marry him. But with the help of a little book about her "changing vampire body," she begins to realize that maybe being a vampire wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. And maybe, just maybe, Lucius is more than he appears to be.

I know what you're thinking. This sounds like the worst possible thing that could ever have been written. It's not, I promise. And Twilight lovers will love it. The main character is witty, smart, and fun to listen to. I mean, come on, she jabs a pitchfork in his foot! That, I think, is a very natural reaction. Other than Jessica's voice, though, the writing is only so-so.

Here's the way I felt: Through the first half of the book, I loved Jessica. Her voice, her situation, everything. But I hated Lucius. Not because he was a bad boy or anything, just because his dialogue was so stilted and bleh. He was a boring character. Then there's a change. During the second half of the book, I loved Lucius. He honestly becomes a bad boy, and you know me and my bad boys. But Jessica...Gah, Jessica! Why did she lose all her humor? All her strength? All her pizzazz? Just BAM and it's gone. But at least I liked someone through all of it. I don't think I ever hated them both at once. And let's face it, giving your main character a book entitled "Growing Up Undead: A Teen Vampire’s Guide to Dating, Health, and Emotions"? That's comedic genius right there.

Overall, the first half is very Meg Cabot-like, fun with a great voice. The second half is how Twilight would have been if Edward had actually cared about Bella and really wanted to leave her for her own good, and not just torment her and wreck her life. But enough of that. If you can put up with that excerpt without wanting to poke your eyes out, you will love love LOVE this book. If not, then it's up to us to keep searching...

Book Review: Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

Fitzpatrick, Becca. Hush, Hush. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2009.

I knew the names of all my classmates...except one. The transfer. Coach never called on him, and he seemed to prefer it that way. He sat slouched one desk back, cool black eyes holding a steady gaze forward. Just like always. I didn't for one moment believe he just sat there, day after day, staring into space. He was thinking something, but instinct told me I probably didn't want to know what.

He set his bio text down on the table and slid into Vee's old chair.

I smiled. "Hi. I'm Nora."

His black eyes sliced into me and the corners of his mouth tilted up. My heart fumbled a beat in that pause, a feeling of gloomy darkness seemed to slide like a shadow over me. It vanished in an instant, but I was still staring at him. His smile wasn't friendly. It was a smile that spelled trouble. With a promise.

Nora's new biology partner is not what she would consider ideal. He's rude. He's cocky. And worst of all, he inexplicably knows things about her than no one else in the world knows. But at the same time, she finds herself somehow falling for him. Then strange things begin happening to Nora that make her question her own sanity. A masked man tries to attack her, then disappears without a trace. A woman wearing her coat is killed. Her room is ransacked, then put back together in a split second. Slowly, Nora begins to realize that she is being used as a pawn in war as old as time itself.

Ugh. Heaven help us all (no, I don't meant that as a pun.) This is Twilight with fallen angels, right down to the distressing meeting in biology class and the bleak weather conditions. If that's what you're looking for, look no further. This is the book for you.

On the plus side, the writing is considerable better than Stephenie Meyer's. Of course, most third graders write better than Stephenie Meyer, so that's not saying much. And Nora is a stronger female protagonist than Bella in some ways. At least there's less whining. There is a lot of tension and action, which is nice. Nora actually has some real problems, and she legitimately fears for her life on more than one occasion. And of course, something has to be said for the phenomenal cover art. I think that cover has sold at least half of the books.

However (you knew it was coming) the characters make no sense. The choices they make don't seem to be based on what we already know about them. And why doesn't this stupid girl ever use her head? She lives far away from her nearest neighbor, and yet she doesn't try to leave (or at least get her mother to come home) when she honestly believes someone might be trying to kill her. Did we steal this girl from a B-horror movie? Everything about the plot is illogical and far-fetched, which is a shame, because I like the idea of fallen angels finding themselves in love with mortals. Could be kinda sexy, a resurrection of the beloved "bad boy."

And so I continue my search for good paranormal YA romance...

Book Review: Flash Burnout by L.K. Madigan

I join Marissa in the pizza line. "What's up with Shannon?" she asks.

"I don't know. I guess I forgot to call her for the hundredth time, or something." Then I instantly feel like a traitor. "Nah, we just had a misunderstanding."

Marissa's so easy to talk to, I sometimes wish we had hooked up. But it's not that way with us. We're always going to be just friends. I still remember our first assignment in intro photo: shoot and print a series of black-and-white portraits of another member of class.

As the only ninth-graders, Marissa and I were paired up by default. We took the city bus up the hill to Washington Park, where we shyly pointed cameras at each other. Studying her through the lens, I realized that she had the most heartbroken eyes I'd ever seen. You don't notice them most of the time--she's usually smiling.

Madigan, L.K. Flash Burnout. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 2009.

Blake is trapped in the place no guy wants to be--between a jealous girlfriend and a friend (that's a girl) who needs him. He feels an obligation to his friend Marissa, since he was (sort of) a catalyst to the life crisis she's in, but on the other hand, he's pretty sure he's in love with Shannon.

The writing is incredible. The character is witty and engaging and insightful. I loved it. The decisions he has to make are difficult, almost impossible at times, but his choices are consistent with his character and the overall plot. It's laugh-out-loud funny at times, but I was shocked or nearly moved to tears at others. And even though it's a woman writing it (kudos to L. K., by the way, for pulling a J.K. and hiding the fact that she's a woman so boys will want to read it too) it's very much a male voice, reminiscent of Chris Crutcher style. And the character is just so darn likeable. It's hard to make male protagonists likeable unless you don't let them make any mistakes. Blake makes plenty of mistakes (PLENTY) and yet we're still cheering for him, and we still love him.

But then we come to the end. *sigh* That has to be the most unsatisfying ending I have ever read in all my life. Seriously. Everyone is sad or pissed off or something. And then it's just over. That's it. I started checking around me on the floor, trying to see if some of the pages had fallen out. They hadn't. That's just the way it ends. So plan on taking some time after you read it to write your own ending. I did. And everyone lived happily ever after in mine, because I wanted it that way.

Book Review: The Monstrumologist by Rick Yancey

Yancey, Rick. The Monstrumologist. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2009.

"Why are you here, boy?" he asked suddenly, giving my shoulder a hard squeeze. "This is no business for children."

"My parents died in a fire, sir," I answered. "The doctor took me in."

"The doctor," Erasmus echoed. "They call him that — but what exactly is he a doctor of?"

The grotesque, I might have answered. The bizarre. The unspeakable. Instead I gave the same answer the doctor had given me when I'd asked him not long after my arrival at the house on Harrington Lane. "Philosophy," I said with little conviction.

When Will Henry takes his father's place as apprentice to Dr. Pellinore Winthrop, he soon realizes the job entails more than just staying up late with the lonely doctor and fetching tools or making meals. It's a job that may require him to risk his own life in order to protect the entire New England coast.

This book will be a huge hit with the teens that enjoy the macabre. Dark, and tons of violence. If you get squeamish at the thought of blood, this is not the book for you. The writing is excellent, as well as the monsters, who go by the name of Anthropophagi. The Anthropophagi are man-eating, headless monstrosities that can crush a human skull between their hands--and often do. Luckily, there's a very good reason for them being where our protagonists just happen to be. Plot and character development are solid. It's definitely a step out of the ordinary teen books we've been seeing lately. Even though there are monsters, we get to hate them the way we were meant to, and there is zero romance.

Some parts do drag, just a little. We're supposed to be reading a diary, but I didn't get that "in the head of the character" feeling that I usually get with diary novels. It was much more narrative than it should have been. Well-written narrative? Absolutely. But not as gripping as it could have been. And yes, it's predictable, but that's because we always know that good triumphs over evil in horror stories (unless you're Stephen King, in which everyone usually ends up miserable in some way or another) and we know that Will has to survive because we saw him as an old man in the beginning of the book. Still, well worth reading if you want to be creeped out.

And feel free to celebrate, horror lovers, because this is the first in a series. Let's hope this is the novel that reawakens a love of horror stories, like the good old days when Stephen King, Lois Duncan and R.L. Stine were at the top of their game.

Book Review: How to Be Popular by Meg Cabot

Cabot, Meg. How to be Popular. New York: HarperCollins, 2006.
“Well,” I said to the customer, “maybe I just…you know. Have one of those names that sounds familiar.”
Yeah. Wonder why. Lauren’s the one who coined the term “Don’t pull a Steph Landry.” Out of revenge.
It’s amazing how fast it caught on, too. Now if anyone in school does anything remotely crack-headed or dorky, people are all, “Don’t pull a Steph!” or “That was so Steph!” or “Don’t be such a Steph!”
And I’m the Steph they’re talking about.
Nice.

Steph Landry has been one of the most unpopular kids in her school ever since she made a major faux-pas…years ago. But she’s sick of it. And she’s found a way out. Steph has discovered an old book entitled, “How to be Popular.” Everything seems to be going perfectly, at first. But popularity, it turns out, is even harder to hold on to as it is to achieve.

Not Meg Cabot’s best. Fun story, had some good moments, and I admit I cheered out loud at the climax. But the characters were a little flat. I mean, how many times have we heard the story of the unpopular girl trying to get the cute, popular boy by becoming popular? There wasn’t enough of a spin to make it unique. Still, fun to read. Girls will eat it up.

Book Review: The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

DiCamillo, Kate. The Tale of Despereaux. Cambridge: Candlewick Press, 2003.

“Eat,” said Merlot.
“I couldn’t possibly,” said Despereaux, backing away from the book.
“Why?”
“Um,” said Despereaux. “It would ruin the story.”
“The story? What story?” Merlot stared at him. A piece of paper trembled at the end of one of her indignant whiskers. “It’s like Pa said when you were born. Something is not right with you.” She turned and scurried from the library to tell her parents about this latest disappointment.
Despereaux waited until she was gone, and then he reached out and, with one paw, touched the lovely words. Once upon a time.
He shivered. He sneezed. He blew his nose into his handkerchief.
“’Once upon a time’” he said aloud, relishing the sound. And then, tracing each word with his paw, he read the story of a beautiful princess and the brave knight who serves and honors her.
Despereaux did not know it, but he would need, very soon, to be brave himself.

Despereaux has never quite fit in with the rest of his mouse family. But when he falls in love with a human princess, it is simply too much for the mouse world. He is thrown out and sent to be eaten by the rats.

What a beautiful story. It felt so magical. The only part that was difficult for me was the constant switching of point-of-view. I just wanted to stay with one story. I guess that's the way it had to be, and I did enjoy it once I got to the end. I loved the characters. All the rat names were a little confusing to me for some reason, but maybe I just need to read slower. This was one of those books where it feels like every word is in place. It's the perfect novel for anyone who loves fairy tales, and maybe even for some that don't.

Book Review: The Giver by Lois Lowry

Lowry, Lois. The Giver. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1993.

“Tell me about the celebration.”
“Well, there was the telling of his life. That is always first. Then the toast. We all raised our glasses and cheered. We chanted the anthem. He made a lovely good-bye speech. And several of us made little speeches wishing him well. I didn’t, though. I’ve never been fond of public speaking.
“He was thrilled. You should have seen the look on his face when they let him go.”
Jonas slowed the strokes of his hand on her back thoughtfully. “Larissa,” he asked, “what happens when they make the actual release? Where exactly did Roberto go?”
She lifted her bare wet shoulders in a small shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t think anybody does, except the committee. He just bowed to all of us and then walked, like they all do, through the special door in the Releasing Room. But you should have seen his look. Pure happiness, I’d call it.”
Jonas grinned. “I wish I’d been there to see it.”

Jonas lives in a dystopia world where everything is perfect. No sickness. No death. No poverty. Nothing but cheerfulness, polite manners, and...mysterious disappearances.

But Jonas has been selected as a Receiver, the highest honor given in their community. But what he must "receive" is more horrifying than anything he could have ever imagined.

I loved it. What else can be said about it? Everyone loves this novel. My husband, who hates to read more than anything in the world, loved this book. It's outstanding. I wish they would get rid of that horrible cover with the old man. That cover kept me from reading this novel for 22 years. If you can just get a kid to ignore the front cover and read a single page inside, they will be hooked. Plus, it can be a boy book. (Are you kidding me, a Newbery winner that boys will actually read???)

If you haven't read this book, you are depriving yourself. Drop whatever you are reading and run, don't walk, to the nearest bookstore to pick it up.

Book Review: The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke

Funke, Cornelia. The Thief Lord. New York: The Chicken House, 2000.

Under the black mask that hid Scipio’s eyes, Prosper could make out his pale chin. The mask’s long crooked nose gave him an eerie bird-like appearance. Similar masks had once been worn by the doctors of Venice, at the time when the Black Death had raged through the city more than three hundred years ago: The Birds of Death, people called them. Smiling, the Thief Lord pulled the creepy thing from his face.
“Hi, Prop!” Scipio let the light of his flashlight wander over the others’ sleeping faces. “Sorry it got so late.”
Prosper pushed Bo’s arm carefully from his chest and sat up. “One day you’re going to scare someone to death with that mask,” he said quietly. “How did you sneak in here? We bolted everything really well this time.”
Scipio shrugged. He ran his slender fingers through his long raven black hair, which he usually wore in a ponytail. “You should know by now I can get into any place I want to.”

Bo and Prosper are recent orphans. They ran away from their aunt when they discovered she planned to separate them, and have made friends with the group that follows Scipio, the Thief Lord, religiously. But they soon begin to discover that Scipio isn't as great as he would have them all believe.

I loved this so much more than Inkheart. There are so many twists and turns that you're never quite sure which way you're going. I could barely put the book down. On the other hand, it takes a weird, fantasy-type twist at the end. It was interesting, sure, but I thought we could have been better prepped for it. I did love the ending. I think all kids love the idea that they're smarter than all the adults around them, and could live on their own if they wanted to.